In-game quotes pulled from the classic consoles and arcade...

Video Game Quotes

Here is a hilarious collection of some of the absolute funniest in-game video game quotes from a variety of consoles (NES, Neo Geo, Sega Master System, and the arcade), primarily pulled from the 80’sa glorious time when native English speakers were apparently nowhere to be found within Japanese gaming companies. After all, who needs to hire someone when you can simply buy a Japanese-to-English translation book at the local store? Problem solved.

The below video game quotes are specialthat is to say, we'll never see this type of grammar in a game again. It was a sign of the times and, in a way, just plain entertaining. You'll no doubt recognize some of the quotes, but in all likelihood, the majority will be new to you.

FYI: I've added my personal commentary to each game quote (in parentheses).

Funniest video game quotes

"The president has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to get him back?" –Bad Dudes, NES [intro]

(Again?! Come ON!)

bad dudes NES ending

“Hey Dudes thanks, for rescuing me. Let’s go for a burger—ha! ha! ha! ha!” – the President in Bad Dudes, NES [ending]

(It's really the least I can do after you saved my life. Literally, it's the least I can do.)

bionic commando NES nerd

“Get the heck out of here you nerd!” Bionic Commando, NES

(Do you kiss your mom with that mouth?)

blaster master NES ending

“Very thanks!” Blaster Master, NES [ending]

(This is the grand finale I spent months working towards? Sunsoft, you magnificent bastards.)

Contra 3 video game quote

“Let’s attack aggressively.” Contra III: The Alien Wars, SNES

(whoa, whoa, whoa, eeaasssyy. Everybody c-a-l-m down, ok? I know you're excited but I'm the captain, and I make the decisions around here. Ok, let's attack semi-aggressively.)

Diablo 2 video game quote

“Now, now, now. Don’t be shy—all of my items are guaranteed for life and come with a two-day warranty.” – Diablo II, PC

(Two full days? Hmm...gees...I hate to be a stickler but can I get that in writing?)

friday 13th NES ending

“You have finally managed to defeat Jason…but is he really dead? We’re not telling!! End.” Friday the 13th, NES [ending]

(what a bunch of a**es)

ghosts n goblins nes ending

“Congraturation. This story is happy end. Thank you.” Ghosts ‘N Goblins [ending], NES

(And thanks you derelopers for game maded funly. Idiots.)

golgo 13 nes game quote

“If we join together, this world will ours.” Golgo 13, NES

(Yes, agreed, agreed. But, if it's all the same to you, let me do the talking. Cool?)

ikari warriors NES ending

“You have accomplished the mission. You are the very prevailer that protect right and justice. I would express my sincere. Thanks to you. Take good rest!” General Kawasaki, Ikari Warriors [ending], NES

(I am. Of course honored. Well I'm off. To rest.)

midnight resistance sega genesis quote

“Keep coming! You and family will die!” Midnight Resistance, Genesis

(You should have that nose looked at. And those teeth—the humanity.)

narc NES ending DEA

“Congratulations. You have completed the NARC training mission. Nice work. Contact your local DEA recruiter.” N.A.R.C., NES

( what phone number? Come on, I mean, where is the local DEA office? That's like saying to a stranger, "Hey, nice work, call me." Call you where?!)

princess tomato salad kingdom aspirin

“Aspirin is the wonder drug that works wonders!” Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom, NES

(This must've made Advil very, very angry.)

mike tyson punchout fun club

“Join the Nintendo Fun Club today Mac!” Mike Tyson’s Punchout, NES

(The world's first video game product placement, and so subtle that you almost miss it.)

robocop NES ending

“The End & All Over.” Robocop [ending], NES

(Beautifully written, in-your-face bluntness, and elegant grammar, all without a single subject, verb, adjective, or noun.)

Rolling Thunder 2 quotes

“A party, we’ll have to crash it! I wonder if it’s ‘bring your own bullets!’” Rolling Thunder 2, Sega Genesis

(Hahahahahaha good one! And I bet it is bring your own bullets.)

wrath of the black manta drugs

“Hey, what the—oh you’re the Black Manta aren’t you?” - Criminal
“That’s right. Tell me what you know! I don’t want to have to hurt you.” - Black Manta
“You don’t scare me! I’m not telling you anything” -Criminal
“Maybe you’d rather do your talking to the Police Commissioner.” - Black Manta
“Ok, we’re initiating kids into our drug cult. We brainwash’em and turn’em into dope dealers. They set up the buys, we make the bucks.” - Criminal
“You guys are scum. You don’t know what you’re messing with! Drugs kill you think you’re cool but you’re not. You’re just plain dumb.” - Black Manta, Wrath of the Black Manta, NES

(Talk about folding like a cheap suit. What an embarrassment to all drug dealers.)

black mesa scientist half life

“Don’t shoot—I’m with the science team.” Black Mesa Scientist in Half Life, PC

(Ohhh, the science team, I see. I guess that makes you better than the last schmuck I just tossed into the resonance cascade.)

quake quad damage
“Quad damage!” Announcer in Quake III & IV, PC / Xbox 360

(Those two words invariably turn everyone into running, scared cowards in a brief game of hide-and-go-seek.)

sonic boom street fighter 2
“Sonic boooom!” Street Fighter 2, Arcade

(Remember the guys who would just back up at the start of a match and start firing these off?)

rise of the triad lunchbox
“We’ll bury you in a lunchbox.” Rise of the Triad, PC

(Kiss my ass.)

pro wrestling NES a winner is you
“A winner is you.” Pro Wrestling, NES

(So, by that logic, a loser is not me, which is good too.)

metal gear NES asleep

“I feel asleep.” Metal Gear, NES

(You really have to hand it to the old Japanese video game English teamsthey were just so clutch.)

resident evil playstation lockpick

“Jill, why don’t you, the master of unlocking, take this lock pick.” Resident Evil

(Thank you, master of labeling people, for giving me the lock pick.)

all your base are belong to us zero wing

“All your base are belong to us.” Zero Wing, Sega Mega Drive (European), 1991. The best known video game grammar faux pas.

(Oh sure, just when start to get into game, suddenly all your base are belong to them.)

i am error nes zelda

“I am error.” Zelda II: The Adventures of Link, NES

(Oh, hi Error, I'm QA Tester, we've never met.)

fatal fury big silly

“Oooh. You make me so angry, ya big silly.” Terry Bogard in Fatal Fury Special, Neo Geo

(Price check on some fruit in aisle nine.)

aero fighters whales

“Wow, thanks. We can always count on whales.” Aero Fighters 2 [ending], Neo Geo

(I can't even remember the last time a whale let me down.)

ninja kid nes ending

“Conglatullations! You are great and super player. Great thanks! The game ninjakun has been just terminated by you.” -Ninja Kid 2 [ending], Arcade

(Wait, I just terminated something? And is it asking too much to translate the game title?)

Fatal fury video game quote

“Blood is thick, but syrup’s thicker. Think about it.” Wolfgang Krauser in Fatal Fury Special, Arcade

(Not bad, Wolfgang. Not bad. That is food for thought. Pun intended.)

Fatal fury blood quote

“What a tough. I think I used about 61.5% of my strength.” Laurence Blood in Fatal Fury Special, Arcade

(61.5% you say? That's pretty precise. I think I'm about 0% interested in anything else this idiot has to say, give or take 0%.)